code.openark.org » Humor http://code.openark.org/blog Blog by Shlomi Noach Wed, 01 Feb 2012 08:19:12 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 You know you've been doing too much SQL when... http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/you-know-youve-been-doing-too-much-sql-when http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/you-know-youve-been-doing-too-much-sql-when#comments Thu, 01 Sep 2011 05:44:36 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=3920 ...you're traveling on family holiday, and each time you wish to suggest you should check up on the tourist information center, you repeatedly come up with: "Let's ask at the INFORMATION_SCHEMA and see what we can get".

Also, doing so while wearing an OpenSQL Camp T-shirt doesn't help.

]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/you-know-youve-been-doing-too-much-sql-when/feed 4 Tales of the trade #5: How to author a super successful MySQL blog http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-4-how-to-author-a-super-successful-mysql-blog http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-4-how-to-author-a-super-successful-mysql-blog#comments Wed, 18 May 2011 08:00:14 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=3605 Check out the following tutorial that teaches you how to become a popular MySQL blog author:

How-to-author-a-super-successful-MySQL-blog-strip_1


How-to-author-a-super-successful-MySQL-blog-strip_1-strip_2How-to-author-a-super-successful-MySQL-blog-strip_1-strip_3

Complete strip: tales-of-the-trade-make-your-mysql-blog-popular-full.png

]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-4-how-to-author-a-super-successful-mysql-blog/feed 9 Would you be my friend on mysqlconf? (tempting offer inside) http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/would-you-be-my-friend-on-mysqlconf-tempting-offer-inside http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/would-you-be-my-friend-on-mysqlconf-tempting-offer-inside#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:22:37 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=3262 I'm still throwing papers to the trash and starting all over, fixing, rewriting and improving my talk at mysqlconf 2011, where I will be presenting openark-kit: MySQL utilities for everyday use.

However I've got something up my sleeve: a benefit many can enjoy, that'll make me a respectful, popular and sought after speaker. While others may try and lure you with such earthly temptations as a 20% off discount, I am in a position to offer you a more spiritual gift: my friendship!

See, if you become my friend, I can offer you a 25% discount on the MySQL conference. Yes, that's 5% more than my competitors! The only thing I ask in return is that you be my friend (hey, it's called "friends of speaker"). Not like a FB virtual friend, but a real friendship! One where you can buy me beer or dinner!

If you agree to such humane terms, I will be in the position to let you know that all you have to do is fill in mys11fsd in your registration form.

No, wait! I let it slip! Rewrite: You should fill in mys11fsd [will only tell you this password after your commitment to a beer] in your registration form.

Oh no, not again!

Don't use mys11fsd without talking to me first... You're not supposed to... Oh, my beer!

Argghhh!

]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/would-you-be-my-friend-on-mysqlconf-tempting-offer-inside/feed 4 Tales of the Trade #4: new home for the MySQL dolphins http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-4-new-home-for-the-mysql-dolphins http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-4-new-home-for-the-mysql-dolphins#comments Mon, 05 Jul 2010 12:18:55 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=2655

]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-4-new-home-for-the-mysql-dolphins/feed 2 Tales of the Trade #3: MySQL vs. NoSQL http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-3-mysql-vs-nosql http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-3-mysql-vs-nosql#comments Mon, 19 Apr 2010 17:30:53 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=2330 Apparently the message from the comic below was not well conceived.

Following the strip I've added some spoiler notes.

This is not about bashing NoSQL. Apparently some people feel this way.

This is about:

  • Trying to judge/analyze NoSQL as if it were a single entity, thereby asking "should I use MySQL or NoSQL"?
  • The fact Wikipedia defines NoSQL as a "movement" (who's the leader?)
  • The fact that people are still arguing on how "MySQL" should be pronounced.
]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-3-mysql-vs-nosql/feed 9 Tales of the Trade #2: The Oracle-Sun deal http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-2-the-oracle-sun-deal http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-2-the-oracle-sun-deal#comments Sun, 03 Jan 2010 12:31:23 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=1848

]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-2-the-oracle-sun-deal/feed 7 Tales of the Trade #1: A day in the life of a MySQL instructor http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-1-a-day-in-the-life-of-a-mysql-instructor http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-1-a-day-in-the-life-of-a-mysql-instructor#comments Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:56:33 +0000 shlomi http://code.openark.org/blog/?p=434
Tales of the Trade 1
]]> http://code.openark.org/blog/mysql/tales-of-the-trade-1-a-day-in-the-life-of-a-mysql-instructor/feed 6